Why Life Is Better Understanding Grief

Knowing how to move through grief in a natural healthy way allows you to spend less time in the worst part. You absolutely can have joy again. It also empowers you with the ability to lovingly support those in your life who are grieving, rather than experiencing the guilt of avoiding them because you don’t know what to do or say.

Grief experts agree we were born knowing how to grieve, but some of us get programmed otherwise, and often it’s not even realized. The worst time to relearn those thought and emotion skills is when grieving because it’s difficult to concentrate. Not understanding your experience, especially when it’s an unexpected loss, can reduce your hope about the future. 

Grief is the experience one has after the death of a loved one or any major life change including these examples.

  • Death of Loved One
  • Suffering of Loved One
  • Death of Loved Pet
  • Divorce
  • Infidelity
  • Abandonment
  • Abuse
  • Addiction
  • Health
  • Financial Changes
  • Legal Issues

Think about what it was like when you didn’t understand something significant in your life and how much your life improved once you became informed. The same scenario applies to grief.

Be savvy about your life and master the subject of grief sooner than later. Avoiding the subject is not in your best interest. You can experience interwoven intervals of happiness while grieving if you know how. 

CathyCheshire.com includes resources from the best traditional grief experts, those who help the bereaved thrive after loss, interviews, examples of what to say, recommended books, and more blog posts. You can always email Info@CathyCheshire.com if you have a question about grief.

 

Help People by Publishing That Book in You

Dedicated to my friend Tre.

I have noticed on social media, writings meant to help others heal which stopped me in my tracks and powerfully inspired me. I mentioned to several where we follow each other that they should write a book, and they asked for advice on how. This is for those of you who are aspiring authors and/or anybody you know who dreams of reaching out to help people with their writing. They say if you are pregnant with a book, it’s meant to be born. If you continually think about writing a book, it’s probably a worthwhile calling of yours.

Non-fiction self-empowerment books solve problems and improve lives. Reading fiction can decrease loneliness, generate feelings of joy, and provide an escape from everyday challenges, which also helps people.

Experts say helping people is healing, so my action plan to heal after a lifetime of loss included this objective. I have learned those wise souls are correct. I absolutely love providing hope by sharing my story, providing the only website with centralized resources about thriving after loss, speaking, and improving conversation about death and grief.

I’m not a publishing guru, but I am sharing what has been the most helpful information to me so far after countless hours of research and experience. You can learn from abundant but scattered information online or by reading a book, but I recommend taking a book publishing class.

Book Publishing Education
I used to think you wrote a book, handed it to a publisher, and their team handled everything else while the author pondered about their next book. It doesn’t work that way. There are many behind the scenes activities including marketing where you have to play a major role. I feel taking a class is valuable and helps you reduce mistakes, saving time and energy.

I compared the many book publishing courses available and decided on the one that made the best sense for me based on company reputation, my book idea, what I wanted to pay, and my goals. If you are writing a non-fiction book, I highly recommend the Hay House Writer’s Workshop. Hay House is the largest and most influential self-empowerment publishing company in the world. Their online course videos are filled with hours of advice and encouragement from successful authors.

When I began the class, I quickly realized there is much to learn about becoming a well-known author. When the Hay House CEO, Reid Tracy, said something like, “There are more people who need help than those willing to help,” I was hooked. When I finished the class, I felt I could make some serious contributions in helping people heal from grief.

If you are writing a non-fiction self-empowerment book, you can simply share your experiences, but having related education is helpful and can give you more credibility. Numerous coaching certification programs are available.

Self-Publishing
Publishing your book with online websites and without a publisher is inexpensive and easy if you have good technical skills, are a little creative, and know someone who can edit well. The major sites listed below, send your book to many other sites like Barnes & Noble. Use of the software to publish your book is free. The companies keep a portion of book sales.

Amazon (www.CreateSpace.com) is where readers purchase hard-copy books individually printed as they are ordered. You pay a reduced fee to buy hard-copies of your book.

Kindle (www.kdp.com) is where you publish an electronic copy of your book.

Supportive services like grammar or content editing, book covers, and marketing are offered through these sites at a price. Hay House also offers self-publishing service through Balboa Press (www.BalboaPress.com).

Traditional Publishing
Most large publishers require you to have a literary agent. They will not read unsolicited manuscripts or correspondence. They will provide you with resources and support, but most are interested in authors with a social media platform and will help promote their book. They want you to have a “tribe” of engaged followers and substantial email lists. Some potential readers prefer to purchase books from trusted publishers.

Literary Agent
There are literary agent websites and a popular one is www.PublishersMarketplace.com. You can also find the name of the agent the author thanked in the acknowledgement section of a book similar to the one you’re writing. You can submit a book proposal to numerous potential agents at the same time. Submission guidelines are on individual literary agent websites. Agents receive about 15% and no agent should charge you up-front fees.

Book Proposal
The book proposal is your tool to convince a literary agent and publishing editor to take a chance on working with you. It includes who you are as a person, why you are the right person to write the book you are proposing, why you think the book will sell, and what you will do to promote the book. I purchased a book proposal template with instruction notes for $27 at http://authortoolkits.com/proposal/ and found it helpful.

Book Proposal Outline Example
1. Cover Letter
2. Cover Page
3. Book Overview
4. Author Biography
5. Author Platform (Social Media)
6. Author Marketing Plan
7. Best Sellers
8. Competitive Books
9. Potential Spin-off Books
10. Potential Forward, Cover Quotes, & Celebrity Endorsements
11. Table of Contents
12. Chapter Summaries
13. Sample Chapter(s)

Platform
Hay House recommends the New York Times Bestseller “Platform” by Michael Hyatt. I read the book and think it’s excellent. Engage ongoing in social media in valuable ways that really help people. The subject of social media could be another blog. Use your name for your website and as much social media as you can in case you want to expand your offerings in the future without the name being an issue.

Platform May Include
• Website with Blog – WordPress.com Hosts My Website and is Popular
• Facebook – Timeline Media & Comments
• Instagram – Media & Comments
• Twitter – 140 Characters & Media/Links
• Pinterest – Boards of Photos & Comments
• LinkedIn – Business Profile
• Google+ – Similar to Facebook
• YouTube – Videos
• Podcasts – Recordings

Marketing
Unless you already have a significant following, and I mean thousands, to help promote your book, it’s highly unlikely you will sell many self-published books without significant ongoing marketing.

Marketing May Include
• Use and Grow a Platform
• Join Associations and Network
• Use Professional Photography
• Create Branding
• Obtain Certifications or Degrees
• Write Articles
• Submit Press Releases
• Distribute Promotional Material to Defined Markets
• Create Media Kit
• Participate in Radio/Podcast/TV Interviews
• Conduct Speaking Engagements
• Offer Free Material
• Collaborate With Other Authors
• Use Social Media Marketing
• Use Google AdWords

All of this can feel overwhelming and it was for me at first. It’s one of those adventures where you jump-in, learn as you go, and it all gets easier. They say some of the best-selling books were first rejected numerous times, and it takes years to become an overnight success so get started now! Best wishes on your journey to become an author. I can’t wait to read your book.

If you have question, please leave a comment or email me at info@CathyCheshire.com.

The Power of Gratitude Lists Including Examples

I have heard about the importance of gratitude most of my life. On my journey to heal after unimaginable loss I was desperate to try anything to pull me from the dark place I dwelled for years. Gratitude lists played a role in overcoming my negative thoughts. 

My first gratitude list was general. It was so helpful and made me feel so good, I made six more. It’s difficult for your mind to think about numerous things at once but when your mind looks at a gratitude list, it has a way of generating great joy.

My next list was prioritized loving relationships. Not only was I grateful for each person on it, but I also used the list to move from taking loved ones for granted as I focused on making bad relationships work, to only allowing loving relationships in my life. I made sure I was nurturing all these relationships ongoing, starting at the top. I have so much love in my life, I can’t imagine spending one unnecessary second with someone who isn’t kind. When anybody is mean to me, I reach out to people on this list, talk about something happy, and hurtful feelings disappear.

I then made a list of all the reasons I love my husband. When we have a disagreement, and I’m dwelling on it, looking at this list helps me put my frustration into perspective. It also helps me to be in a confident loving place to think about the list before I talk to my husband about a difficult topic.

One day on a long driving trip, my husband and I made a list of everything we are thankful for in our marriage. We quickly noted many blessings and felt excited as we thought about so much we appreciate.

During a counseling visit where I said I am doing a good job not wasting energy trying to figure out life’s mysteries, I mentioned sometimes I still wonder why I had to experience so much loss in my life. The counselor endearingly looked at me and told me to write down all my accomplishments. I struggled at first to think of anything, but once I started writing the page was flooded with achievements. I realized I was letting the negative cast a shadow over the wonderful.

A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate, and maintain focus on life goals but didn’t think they were for me. I have a small wall in my office and decided on a vision board, more for decoration than function. What a surprise when that visual depiction of what I want in days to come gave me the same rush of joy I had looking at any other gratitude list. I was feeling my future.

I have heard you can attract what you want in the future by thinking about it and making yourself feel like you already have it. I made a list of what I’m grateful for when I reduce sugar. It turned out to be the longest list! It’s a great deterrent when I have a sugar craving.

My gratitude lists are in my smart phone for quick access and updating. I look at them when needed and periodically for a boost of happiness. You may be surprised how much you are grateful for, so write everything you are thankful for now. I would love to see a copy of your list! Examples of all my gratitude lists are below.

General
Husband
Stepson
Dogs
Friends
Spirituality
Book to Help People
No Work Politics
Love my Hair and Nails
Regular Massages
Travel
Motorcycle Riding Fun
Beautiful Yard
Cozy Home
Financial Security

Loving Relationships
Husband
Stepson
Dogs
Best Friends
Loving Friends

Husband
Loves His Child Unconditionally
Loves Animals
Loving to People
Loved Me Through Loss of Child
Supported Me When Thought About Adopting
Best Friend
Wonderful Lover
Smart and Common Sense
Works Hard at Job Success
Supported Me Retiring From Business Career
Supports Me Helping Others With Loss
Helps With Home
Learn Travel and Politics From Him
Loves Travel and Adventure
Open Minded
Funny
Dances With Me

Marriage
Good People
Lovers
Love Animals
Huge Trust
Respect
Communication
Help Each Other Grow
Work on Health
Sense of Adventure
Make our House a Home
Financial Wisdom
Love to Laugh
Similar Interests
Have Fun Together
Love Entertaining
Proactive About Challenges
Compromise
Don’t Try Hard to Change Each Other

Accomplishments
Raised a Wonderful Child as a Single Parent
Loving Mother
Obtained Help for Child When Needed
Loving Marriage
Loving Relationship with Stepson
Rescued Dogs
Increased Circle of Loving Friends
Overcome Trauma
College Degree
Business Success
Published a Book
Social Media to Help People
Mental Health
Financial Wisdom

Vision Board
Spiritual Growth
Loving Retirement With Husband
Loving Relationships
Help People
Follow Dreams
More of What Makes Me Happy
Author
Speaker
Positive Habits
Healthy
Read and Learn
Financial Security
Generosity
Counseling When Needed
Fun
Ski
Go to Australia

Reduce Sugar
Better Life
Confidence
Feel Good
Happier
More Attention to Loved Ones
Healing
Less Hunger
Less Calories
Weigh Less
Less Bloating
Feel Better in Clothes
Thinner and Flat Stomach
Inner Health
Lower blood pressure
Strong Heart, Liver, Kidneys
Better Memory
Reduce Sickness
Reduce Surgery Risk
Good Dr Visits and Labs
Better Teeth
Better Skin
Prettier Eyes
Sleep well
Good Dreams
Reduce Overreacting
Easier to Relax
Easier to be Loving
Real Energy
More Productive
Better Speaker and Videos
Save Money

Heal Traumatic Reaction to Normal Situations

Most reactions to trauma are normal and understandable. The potential to experience trauma is part of life and many of us aren’t prepared and never learned best ways to deal with devastating loss and pain.

I have experienced the trauma of unimaginable loss throughout my life and had these reactions.

Reactions to Trauma
• Shock
• Negative Thoughts
• Bad Feelings
• Guilt
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Worry
• Righteous
• Hypervigilant
• Overreacting
• Catastrophizing
• Distraction Use
• Poor Self-care
• Sleepless

Once I completed implementing my action plan to thrive after loss and thought I had overcome my challenges, I didn’t understand I was still having some traumatic reactions to normal situations. Those feelings were a part of my life for so long, they seemed normal, until they grew and stood out in my life otherwise filled with peace, joy, and love.

I told a counselor I had unusual anxiety and I wasn’t sure why. I said it didn’t make sense for my heart to be racing so fast as I rambled on about wanting it to stop. I panicked when I didn’t understand what caused my nervousness because I feared my torture would worsen or never end. I was worrying about worrying and didn’t want to lose my ability to live life in a way I had grown to cherish.

The counselor explained although I dealt with the trauma in my life, the memories would always be in my mind. She said it’s common for those who have gone through trauma to be hypervigilant and to catastrophize.

I had an “aha!” moment. That was exactly what I was doing! My enhanced state of trying to detect threats was exhausting, but with everything I went through it made sense I might wonder what terrible things would happen next. I unnecessarily believed some situations were far worse than they were. This huge shift in my thinking lead to some immediate serious healing.

Now that I understand the behaviors causing my anxiety, I watch out for them, acknowledge them, and choose to respond in a better way. Instead of accelerating my negative behaviors and physical pain, I reduced them by recognizing what’s happening. It’s understandable I have a tendency towards being hypervigilant and catastrophizing, but I no longer worry about it. I visualize myself not having the issue.

If you are having strong negative feelings that don’t make sense, there is probably a reason. Seek professional help to recognize the root cause of your pain so you can get on with creating your best life after trauma.

Barriers to Change Stifle Thriving

After unimaginable loss in my life, I experienced moving from a living hell to heaven here on earth. As I reflect on the extreme variance, I realize there are significant barriers to positive change. I experienced all these barriers to change, until my pain became unbearable, and then I conquered them all.

Barriers to Change
• Engrained habits
• Negative thoughts
• Others talk you out of change
• Don’t know how to change
• Don’t want to change
• Fear change won’t work
• Change feels daunting
• Change feels uncomfortable
• Think change is too much work
• Lack of patience
• Can’t imagine positive results

I’m amazed I took feeling the lowest I can imagine to motivate me to learn how to live well. I could have been thriving throughout my life, but I readily accepted less. No wonder so many get stuck, accept mediocrity, and become robotic. No wonder I read books I thought would change my life, but none did.

I read self-empowerment books throughout my adult life, but I didn’t take them as seriously as I thought I had. I didn’t realize how many barriers to change I embraced creating roadblocks to my best life. I was complacent and dreamed small, comfortable enough with my routines.

I wasted considerable time with enormous periods of negative thinking. The discomfort I felt changing to loving thoughts and actions felt well worth it once I experienced the positive results.

It has been odd noticing the more I thrive, the more people want to pull me down. I am dedicated to only bring into my life what supports my living life to the fullest.

Acknowledging the barriers to change is the first step in removing them, and self-awareness is key. Create your heavenly life now. Don’t wait until you are desperate. It’s easier than you may imagine unless you let the barriers to change consume you. I couldn’t imagine what a wonderful life would feel like until I created one.

Thriving supports you handling whatever challenges come your way, as you dwell in peace, joy, and love. Living your best life may prevent you from experiencing the worst despair. That is an astounding lesson and a reason I am thankful to be thriving now.

 

Schedule Fun to Ensure You Have Some

According to Wikipedia Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (July 8, 1926 – August 24, 2004) was a Swiss-American psychiatrist, a pioneer in near-death studies and the author of the groundbreaking book On Death and Dying (1969), where she first discussed her theory of the five stages of grief. In an interview she stated:

“In Switzerland I was educated in line with the basic premise: work work work. You are only a valuable human being if you work. This is utterly wrong. Half working, half dancing – that is the right mixture. I myself have danced and played too little.”

An objective in my thriving after loss action plan is having fun. Nothing about being stuck in the anger and depression involved with grieving was enjoyable. I felt I deserved some serious happiness.

I was so desperate to have fun again, I frantically jumped into entertaining activities. After feeling lost for so long, I went along with whatever others said was fun. Only certain experiences brought me pleasure, and I thought that was part of struggling to move past grieving. Some of that may be true, but I realized not every activity brings me the same level of pleasure. I don’t like riding a motorcycle myself, even though I got my license because girlfriends raved about it. I love being my husband’s bike passenger and exploring new places.

I think having fun was challenging for me because I didn’t have any for so long. I snow skied and hiked beautiful country again. I subscribed to event lists and went to sporting events, concerts, festivals, parties, and local attractions. I explored museums, went to craft classes, and learned to cook new things. I traveled to new places and tried adventurous things like swimming with dolphins and parasailing.

Having fun after grieving was a significant part of my healing. Joy raced through my veins, I smiled often, and laughed even more. Fun helped move me towards a sense of well-being and life felt lighter. When I am playing, I feel my soul nurtured and grateful. I felt anxious if I didn’t have fun planned so at the end of every week, I look at the next week and make sure I do. To me, fun is as important as eating well and exercising.

I spoke about thriving after unimaginable loss at a national grief conference. I shared my thoughts about the importance of fun. A therapist attending commented that he often asks clients what they do for fun because he agrees it’s important. He said most often the answer is a blank confused stare. It’s easy to overlook making fun an integral part of life.

Don’t fill your days with so much busy work there isn’t time for fun. Joy is fuel for thriving, and it’s not just for kids. Fun can have a positive effect on all areas of your life. Don’t let time pass by and then realize you could have danced and played more.

From “Should” to “Might” Can Inspire Forgiveness

Wikipedia defines forgiveness as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

I experienced feeling heart wrenching pain from those I thought were supposed to love me the most. I felt hate for the first time in my life at what I perceived as unimaginable cruelty. The negative feelings racing through my veins caused me mental and physical distress.

I voraciously read and listened to experts talk about forgiveness, but I couldn’t do it. I understood my bitterness hurt me, but I felt those who caused my pain were evil low forms of life. I couldn’t just let it all go.

I never wanted revenge, although I thought about how easily I could intentionally do things that would hurt my attackers. I never once wished the pain I endured on anybody. I wanted the words to make things better, but nothing I said made a difference.

My reaction to abuse was to focus on being a perfectionist because I thought it would prove to others and myself what a wonderful person I am. This caused me anxiety and others to feel uncomfortable around me. I advanced in a career I didn’t love and at times detested. I continued on this emotional treadmill until I had so much loss in my life I cracked.

I was fired from a job for being righteous and quit two jobs because I didn’t want to deal with underhanded politics anymore. I became apathetic, reclusive, and depressed. My sense of well-being and any peace or joy vanished.

The action plan I created to improve my life included seeking professional help for anything I couldn’t fix on my own. I doubted counseling could help me forgive my worst offenders, but I was wrong. Talking with an objective educated person about overcoming negative feelings facilitated melting my pain and unshackling my heart.

After looking at how pain affected me, I imagined what kinds of experiences might cause anybody to act unloving. I stopped believing people suffering should want to help others and thought people might be stuck, just like I had been.

Quit “Should” Thoughts
• They should be ashamed.
• They should be punished.
• They should know how I feel.
• They should want to be more loving.
• They should want to help me.

Focus on “Might” Thoughts
• They might have experienced unimaginable pain.
• They might think nothing can improve.
• They might not be able to imagine a better life.
• Their heart might be closed.
• They might not know how to help me.

Thinking about what might cause someone to treat me negatively doesn’t excuse the behavior. It allows my heart to be in a peaceful place of empathy and compassion. I can move away from those who hurt me and move forward with forgiveness allowing my heart to dwell in love for myself and others. I can let go of perfectionism and focus on what brings me the greatest joy.

 

 

 

Overcoming Negative Thoughts After Loss

There is nothing like an unimaginable loss to make anybody feel negative. Through the devastating losses in my life, I had all these thoughts.

Negative Thoughts After Loss

• I feel dead inside.
• I feel anxious, & depressed.
• Why did this happen?
• I don’t deserve this.
• I feel punished.
• I feel stupid.
• I am a failure.
• I feel so guilty.
• How can I trust again?
• Nobody I love is safe.
• Life is too hard.
• How will I go on?
• Will I ever be happy.
• Sense of well-being is gone.
• Why are people heartless?
• I can’t stand petty behavior.
• I hate mean people.
• I wish I had died instead.
• Why take care of myself?

There is scientific information about how the mind works, but I think about it in a nuts and bolts way. The mind is a powerful tool storing everything we put into it. The more repetitive a thought, the stronger it becomes a habit. This helps us be efficient in remembering things, but can be destructive when we dwell on negative thoughts.

When I decided to improve my life, I knew I needed to address my long term damaging thoughts. I started with embracing the mysteries of life. I decided I wasn’t supposed to know everything about life since I didn’t. I believed that I could transition my mind from being full of unproductive chanting to embracing constructive thoughts.

I believe it’s difficult for most people to think about two things at once. My strategy was to ensure every idle moment, including brushing my teeth, walking my dogs, and driving in the car, was filled with positive thoughts. I read or listened to enjoyable or informative books that resonated with me. I made a list of everything I’m thankful for and read it when I was feeling sorry for myself. If I was lying in bed, I would chant the affirmation “there is only love,” repeatedly until I fell asleep.

It took several months to change my mind. Continuously focusing on good thoughts becomes more automatic and old bad thoughts are archived in my mind. Positive thoughts support my mission to live my best life. I can’t imagine having it any other way.

Look up book topics of interest for your action plan. Read book descriptions and comments, then choose the ones that best resonate with you.

Importance of a Thriving Action Plan

Those experiencing unimaginable loss can easily feel stuck in a negative place. If you wholeheartedly want to create your best life, I recommend a thriving action plan. I believe no single person, book, incident, or thought is enough to propel you from such darkness into the light of the life you dream about.  It’s not as challenging as you may think.  You deserve the wonderful life you are meant to have.

I used to turn around struggling companies, making them flourish by developing a comprehensive plan.  I was flexible as I implemented every last detail.  Each business was different as people are different. I studied the problems and focused on the values, mission, and goals. The strategy was tailored to each individual company. Success was achieved after all, not one or some, objectives were met. It made sense to me this process would work on improving my life.

The synergistic effect of implementing all of my thriving action plan led me to a place I never dreamed possible. A comforting hope embraced me before I finished my plan because my soul knew I was making changes that were good for me. The compassion, peace, love, fun, and service now filling my life melts my anguish allowing me to focus on the best memories in my life instead of the pain.  I wish I always lived my life this way.  I conscientiously focus on staying the course because I want to be thriving like this forever.

Action Planning Steps

  1. Prioritize Objectives
  2. Implement Strategically
  3. Choose Tasks
  4. Use Best Resources
  5. Gratitude & Celebration
  6. Improve Ongoing

My action plan objectives work for me, and I share these steps to inspire you to want to create your own.  You can be the CEO of your life.

Example Prioritized Objectives

  1. Life Mystery
  2. Organization and Productivity
  3. Critical Tasks Completed
  4. Thought and Emotion
  5. Physical Health
  6. Money and Generosity
  7. Love and Relationships
  8. Fun and Pleasure
  9. Career and Helping Others
  10. Dreams Achieved

Unimaginable loss need not stop you from having a wonderful life.  You are not broken.  The pain reflects your capacity for love, and you weren’t meant to be tortured forever by loss.  Picture yourself immersed in a life you love.  Take the first small step and outline your plan now!

“You will not get over the loss of a loved one” Under a Microscope

on-grief-book-cover

The stages of grief come from the world-renowned book “On Grief & Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss” by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. and David Kessler.

Stage 1 – Denial
Stage 2 – Anger
Stage 3 – Bargaining
Stage 4 – Depression
Stage 5 – Acceptance
Stage 6 – Meaning (Added after the original five)

Some grief experts dispute, renounce, and/or debunk the stages because they say Dr. Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist, mainly worked with the dying. These grief experts say grief is not linear and grief is very individual.

What may make these claims confusing is many grievers feel they were helped by the book and the stages.

In this quote from the book, the authors are already saying the stages are not chronological and not everyone experiences all of them. Page 7 – “The stages have evolved since their introduction, and they have been very misunderstood. The five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost.”

There is also some confusion over the phrases in the book, “you will not get over the loss of a loved one” and “you will grieve forever” because the phrases were never meant to imply a person could not heal from grief and live fully again as explained in these book excerpts:

Page 10 – “Think about the idea that you can’t get over someone. It is more that you learn to live with the loss and not forget the person.”

Page 65 – “Today in our “shut up, get over it, and move on” mentality, our society misses so much, it is no wonder we are a generation that longs to tell our stories.”

Page 203 – “Our society places enormous pressure on us to get over loss.”

Page 225 – “I believe that grief and its unique healing powers take us from meaninglessness to meaningfulness. We do not get over our loss, we do not find recovery; we may find renewed meaning and enrichment for having known our loved one.”

Page 230 – “The reality is you will grieve forever. You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal, and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to.”

Page 206 – “If you do not take the time to grieve, you cannot find a future in which loss is remembered and honored without pain.”

Page 231 – “With the power of grief comes much of the fruits of our grief. We are allowing the power of grief and grieving to help us heal and live with the one we lost. That is the miracle of grief.”

Although many grievers live fully and even thrive after loss, they may periodically experience grief for the rest of their lives as people, places, and things remind them of their deceased loved one.